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In wondering

By Natalie

what time is it?

On 27, May 2013 | 2 Comments | In wondering | By Natalie

sometimes it’s dreadfully
hard to know.
to be even slightly certain,
because uncertainty clings and circles
just like nats in summer. 

how do you know?
how do you know what time it is?

Read more…

when the words go out

On 13, Jun 2012 | One Comment | In creating, wondering | By Natalie

it’s been a long while
since i’ve headed
to the library
with such intensity
and purpose.

when all around me
there are words
words words

and i discover that
i have nothing left to give
or you.
or actually you either.
or myself.

it’s then that i need to
jump in.
off deep.
swirl and twirl and turn and roll.
flip and glance, skim and read

when all the words go out of me.
there is little to do except keep the
fear away.

and search for connection.

to be with what is.

roaming the aisles
of books
like an impulsive buyer, while
making no commitments that
cannot be kept.

up and down each aisle i go.
car repairs to travel.
chinese to teen fiction.
american history & the ancient wisdoms.

poets and their poems.
design and redecorating.
a children’s book to teach what
really needs
to be known.

an author, just grab all 4 of her books
in order to hear how her voice
might change and grow.

i just need them near.
these words that are not my own.
from room to room
i carry them.
sit them next to me while i work,
while i eat
while i call through the phone.

friends i’ll never know.
but their words they left behind.
they are not mine.
they’re theirs.
if the time is right
our words might grow together.

deep roots.
yet, new branches reaching
further than
either them or i can begin to

and here they sit.
safe with me.
and me with them.
the words.
the words of another.
the words of others.

and so my mind can be calm.
can settle and rest.
just be.
just be.

my words will come again.
not today,
maybe not tomorrow.
but they’ll be back.
because they never left really.
they were just resting.

resting in the work of another.

but for tonight.
i’ll just flip and turn.
peak and skim.
over&over&over again.
slower this time then skip
to the next.

to be with what is.

and that’s what to do
when the words go out of you.

– n.



No Comments

In wondering

By Natalie

love wins // happy easter.

On 08, Apr 2012 | No Comments | In wondering | By Natalie

a couple of years ago
when my ways of understanding
the world
and my existence within it
began to crumble and change,
i asked a friend
that i respected so greatly
and trusted so deeply
why does it matter?
why does Easter matter?
she paused.
she held my question.
even the contempt and skepticism
in my voice.
she held them gently.
she responded calmingly.
“because it reminds us that
love always wins.”
always? i asked.
“yes. love always wins.”
perhaps you are unpacking
just what exactly this day means
to you
to the world
to the course of human history.
perhaps you are, like me
still wondering and unpacking
just exactly
what that could mean…
regardless, may i just share this?
i stopped and took a moment
to bid the sun a nice goodbye,
and the last raze’s of sun
whispered to me…
reminding of those words
from my friend:
love wins.”
love wins.
happy easter friends.




No Comments

In wondering

By Natalie

being simple.

On 06, Apr 2012 | No Comments | In wondering | By Natalie

lots of days 
it all feels very complicated.
too much this 
too much that 
being pulled
here and being asked
there. whew.

and the inside.
the thoughts the wonderings
that could never be put to
because they couldn’t.
if they were,
they might after all 
(be true).

but when there is time
to just settle in.
and find that place of
somewhere inside
that only i know.
only i can reach.

i realize it is all very simple.
and there is not much
that can be known.

because being after all…

it just 


it just is.

– n.