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small and pink.

On 18, Feb 2011 | No Comments | In Uncategorized | By Natalie

so today.
i was sitting in one of my favorite morning places. 
sipping coffee. pen [pilot 0.38, green, yes i love pens] in hand.
i like this particular spot 
because the windows are floor to ceiling. 
the street is busy. 
and full. 
with moms and children. 
solo elderly men strolling, hands clasped behind their backs. 
and the streets are lined with vendors.
life is all around. 
in constant motion. 
and i like to take a moment to be an observer. 
just for a few moments…of the life all around.
this morning. 
as i sipped, penned and watched, 
i observed a woman, who
for more than an hour, 
set up her clothing stall right on the street. 
in my perfect view. 
everything came out of her well-used car.
the tent. 
the stands to set the clothes. 
the hanging racks. 
then each stack of clothing.
she was meticulous in arranging each item. 
socks. tights. hats. scarfs. 
boots. sweaters. jumpers. 
dresses. vests. 
all small clothing. 
for kids.
but, i must tell you.
there was one item. 
it caught my eye.
the woman, held it up, shook it out 
before she carefully placed it on the table.
i couldn’t stop looking…
and i knew that it had to come home with me.
it was small. and it was pink. and it was a tutu.
i love a little girl in a tutu.
especially a small.pink.tutu.
after negotiating a price
with the lovely woman of the stand
the tutu was in my hands. 
coming home with me. 
and as i write
i am wrapping the small.pink.tutu. to 
send home to one little girl
who i know will wear it quite splendidly.
i hope she will twirl.
and dance.
and gaze at her imagine in the mirror.
because when you wear
a small.pink.tutu.
that precisely what 
one must do.

until next tutu spotting.

the earth reminded me.

On 14, Feb 2011 | No Comments | In Uncategorized | By Natalie

this morning.
i was talking to my roommate.
about how spring is on its way.
its nearly march, she exclaimed.
spring is. right. around the corner.
but sometimes i forget.
sometimes i forget.
to just be
right where i am.
and sometimes i need 
a reminder.
as i stepped out of the gypsy den [the apartment]…
the whiteness made me catch my breath.

  
snow. was. everywhere.
a warm flow of energy trickled through me
beginning in my neck,
ending in my toes.

the snow.
it must had begun falling
since the morning’s earliest hours.
with Regina Speckor as my morning soundtrack,
i stepped out into the street.
to become apart of it all.

my roommate called to me from the door,
“happy valentines day nat!”
men and women strolling one by one
or with a companion,
under plaid umbrellas
decorated the streets of my neighborhood.
snow clung to pine branches.
and it knew it was beautiful.
as i walked.
the earth reminded me.
and was busy surrounding me with
small white beauties to keep me company as i walked.
remember where you are.
the earth whispered.
and love where you are. in this moment.
so today, on this day of love and hearts.
i am reminded.
it is winter.
and i wonder if you can feel reminded…
to love where you are at.
in this exact moment.
because right now is wonderful.
but sometimes we need a reminder.
to be here.
just here.
and maybe we will learn:
here
is the very best place to be.
  

with a full heart,
and lots of love,
happy valentines day.

 



meanwhile the world goes on.

On 13, Feb 2011 | No Comments | In Uncategorized | By Natalie


i was reminded.
this morning by talking to a friend
of an important, yet simple truth of life.

this friend is a gallant woman.
she faces the world with grace.
and eagerness.
desiring to learn and breath it all in.
her artistic and creative being 
is unassuming and inquisitive.

and my friend, she has had
her share of heartache and pain.
so deep and penetrating
she has wondered where the light is —

the past few weeks, we have exchanged
the hilarity of emails about 
dreams and future,
men and crushes, 
wondering how an old soul
can live properly in all one’s 
22-ness.

yet this winter. for me.
time has passed.
slowly.
with its share of loneliness and soul-ache
i did not know why i was here
and i have wondered where the light was —


but today, i was reminded.
of this one simple truth.
that is easy to forget.


life.
it goes on.
it always does.

as the weepies,
the beetles,
and mary oliver
have penned so truthfully and dynamically,

our lives.
they spin on.

pain is real.
heartache torments us.
we wonder if the morning will ever come.


yet everyday the sun rises. 
and the moon greets the dusk.
spinning. spinning. spinning.
and we, whether we realize it or not…
we are always moving.


i am reminded how my life is one
note in the great melody that stirs the earth.


i am moving.
and i am many.

early spring.

late summer.

sometimes
the road


looks different.

early spring.
summer.
“meanwhile the world turns on.”

it was yesterday.

On 10, Feb 2011 | No Comments | In Uncategorized | By Natalie

just yesterday.
i was sitting in the front seat of my boss’ car.
on the highway.
in traffic.
somewhere in the middle of daegu city.
 
my boss, mrs. lee
speaks very little english.
i even less korean.
a great combination.
mrs. lee’s two grown daughters
were crowded in the backseat next to
lumps of teaching supplies and winter coats.
the sun shone in through the front window
warming my stomach and throat with its insistent beams.
then it happened.


my boss…began…
to sing.


“i havvvve a drrrreeeaaaam. a soooong to siiiing”
i hestitiated.
unsure of just what exactly was taking place.


in the next moment, when the backseat daughters
chimmed in with harmony, i knew.
i knew this experience,
this whole experience…
was unlike any other i would ever have.


and i was grateful.
so grateful,
that i joined in for the following song
a rendition of sound of music
‘do re mi’.


because not everyone get to sing
classics with their boss.
with the sun shinning.
on a wednesday afternoon.

creating. for sarah

On 09, Feb 2011 | One Comment | In Uncategorized | By Natalie

 sometimes there is this rustling. this stirring within me that will not quite quiet down. no matter how hard i try to insist that it should. the desire to create.
to create
something beautiful.

it was my friend sarah’s birthday.
and i wanted to give her something special.
create.for.her.

one time we were walking and i was wearing a headband that i had knitted. she admired it.
since sarah is very talented with her hands, i took the compliment.

maybe, said sarah, you will make something for me.
i will wear anything you make natalie.

i started with a scane of green yarn.
one tree button.
some size 10 round bamboo needles.
the weepies.
some scrape yarn.
and i got started.

it took many frustrated attempts. i tried to follow varying patterns online, but nothing was turning out like i desired. 
i tried this and that. then i tried it again. then something new. and once again. but finally something started to work. and i just let the needles lead.
sometimes it’s easier like that.

 

i have to always remind myself.
unfortunately.
that it is about the process.
because it is in the process that we learn.
things that we might never have known before.
for some it comes easily. 
this creating thing.
for others it does not.
i lack confidence.
but i shouldn’t have.
because i loved the green headband.
and the burgondy flower made from scrapes.
and the tree button.

and so did sarah. 

color in a coke bottle.

On 08, Feb 2011 | No Comments | In Uncategorized | By Natalie

sometimes the color around me is overwhelming. 

it beckons be to stop.

to take a moment.

and be apart of the color.

sometimes i have my camera.

sometimes i don’t.

these moments just happen. and as much as i want to plan them and force them to happen. i can’t. they come and go as they like.

it is my work. to learn how to be present to them.

and to actually…stop.
and see the color.

in a junkyard. on a wednesday night. amongst the coke bottles. and the favorite korean beverage: hite beer.

where do you see the color today?

On 07, Feb 2011 | No Comments | In Uncategorized | By Natalie

i made a birthday wish.
on my 23rd year.
something to mark the day.
something to mark the year.
a desire for the future.
that could not be wished without my past.
i suck in the air, willing it to fill my lungs as it has done
so rhythmically and without failing for my entire life.
i held it one brief moment as i whispered my wish 
to the hands of fate.
and…
now the world holds the wish.

connection.

On 18, Apr 2010 | No Comments | In Uncategorized | By Natalie

It is something that cannot be described easily. When suddenly I look around and realize that all my life is is a movement of motions…actions carried out with varying intentionality. It is in these moments that I my spirit longs to feel a connection. To something beyond myself. Something greater than my actions…motions.

Sometimes it is friends who in the beauty of relationship wonder why or reassure of the why. Sometimes my back needs to feel the earth pressed against it; to listen to the greater rhythms that twirl the world in a soft dance.

For me today, it was something entirely different. Something that is extraordinary, yet the simplest fact of life. Its been around since the very beginning and will never cease to exist.
Today.
I was one of the first to welcome a small baby to this world. This boy, mere hours after crossing the threshold from place so near to his Creation into a life of color, with many, many unknowns. Holding this small fellow in my arms, I felt this connection to the rhythms of the world.

We all are teachers. We all are learners. We must only must learn to remember this with great reverence and eagerness. There is so much, so very much to share.

May you today, in whatever ebb and flow you find yourself: be it house work, yard work, studying, writing, playing, holding, fixing or simply existing.

On 10, Apr 2010 | No Comments | In Uncategorized | By Natalie

i love to look at the sky.
i believe the sky enjoys looking at me as well.
today i needed to feel the earth under my back. to feel the connection to the rhythms of the universe.
i needed to be somewhere uninhibited by people, power lines, and cylinders.
as i trudged contentedly expectant through the woods i wondered why such a desire stirred within me. a patch of grass, gingerly greening itself this time of year welcomed me to lie on it. i pushed my ear to the earth and listened. the sun kissed my neck and arms. clouds waltzed overhead to a rhythm all their own.

bright blue. dull green. ripening brown. and wispy white. it all belonged beautifully in that moment.